Floated up to grace
When I was young, I wanted to be an astronaut. Being in space seemed like swimming in this endless ocean, and you floated along through everything. I used to have dreams (and daydreams) of flying like that, not like a superhero but simply floating and moving about. It often seemed allegorical to me. Being free or feeling light enough to simply lift into the sky.
Relationships felt like this to me. In fact, you can go listen to “Planetaire” on my last album to hear an example. I wanted to be in our own little universe, the both of us soaring and building our private world. But unfortunately, this is not reality. No matter how hard I dreamed or tried or pretended to fly, gravity would always assert itself.
My relationship with God was no different. I guess I wanted it to be like being an astronaut, like flying through space. My own little universe where everything was always nice and I could just fly around. But again, this is not reality. You have to keep living. This is a part of faith, I think. You don’t give into your struggles, nor are they taken away. You just keep moving forward through them.
When you don’t, you lose part of your faith. Giving up means you have stopped trusting and hoping. That is what I did for a long time. When I first met Jesus I really was in love. I embraced everything about Him. But then I began to fall back into my dream world, the one where I could fly and invent my own space. What happens when all you do is dream? You fall asleep!
When Robert Frost wrote “The Road Not Taken” he was actually making fun of a friend he had who would often regret that he took one path rather than another when out for a walk. He would be afraid he missed out on the better path, even though it was impossible to know. People often reference this poem when talking about choices, and the benefit of “taking the road less traveled” is usually the meaning people give to it. The fact is, we can’t know which will be best at the “divergence.” The paths could even merge back into one another down the way a little.
Jesus also talked about two paths, one way leads to life and the other to destruction. There are clues about the ways being narrow and wide and so forth, but how do you really know which way to take? Because faith takes you to where you are supposed to end up.
It’s not about making a single choice at a single fork in the road, it’s about moving forward and having faith. It’s not about missing out, or being apart from “God’s will,” it’s about having faith. Faith in Jesus keeps you on the road you are meant to be on, even if along the way you made two or three or a million bad decisions.
My wrong choices wasted a bunch of years, stifled my joy, and kept me addicted to things I should have cast away. But God honored the grace that He had given to me long ago. He kept His Spirit in my spirit, and I kept crawling back to faith regardless of my failures. This was God’s beautiful love: the tiniest faith inside my heart still took me the place I was meant to be. Eventually (after smashing my face a bunch of times) I found that I really could fly, or more accurately that God would make me light and lift me above all the trails and paths and forks in the road. And I just kept floating up.___
It can be difficult for me to interact with the lyrics I write. I don’t sit down and start with a clear concept and figure out how to get there. Sometimes a thousand things are jumping in and off of the page as I sit at my piano. (A lot of ideas get thrown out!) When I wrote this song I was going over in my mind how much I had struggled, often when I didn’t have to, and comparing that to the calm of simply floating through the sky.
The closing instrumental is played in two different (“divergent”) keys that both end up in the same place. You can take that allegorically however you want!